Thursday, 30 January 2020

Ramblings Of A Silly Old Man - CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE


In the musical My Fair Lady taken from George Bernard's play Pygmalion there is a song Why can't the English teach their children how to speak ?  Within the song, speaking about the English Language there is a line: In America they haven't used it for years !

English is spoken all round the world, it is estimated that one and a half BILLION people speak English. If it is more widely spoken around the world than any other language why is it that America has such an issue with it ?

Britain invented the computer.  Britain invented the internet. Why then in modern communications America insists in screwing up the world's number one language with a hideous abomination of spelling ?

This is how you spell words like patronise - socialise - systemise yet as I type them using some damn American word processor each one is picked out as a spelling mistake.  George Washington and all those who have followed after you they are NOT spelling mistakes. America can you not tell the difference between S and Z ? poatroniZe - soacialiZe - systemiZe DOH !  I agoniSe over you inability to spell English words. Keep your damn silly spelling on your side of the Atlantic Ocean, keep it within your however many states of ThZ UniteZ StateZ oZ AmericaZ and stop invading the rest of the world.

Microsoft, you all know how much I hate, how much I love to hate, that cursed operation. Why does cretin of technology insist that Times New Roman is the world's default font ?  With dozens of more sophisticated and and pleasing to the eye why does stupid MicroZoft use the grating Times New Roman. With English as the world's dominant language why does it insist in using America'Z misspelling within its WindowZ operating system ? Why is it you can opt for American misspelling English or English English ?  English English containZ the American miZZpelling every bit as much as American EngliZh.

Google !  I am using Google Blogger to compile the draft for each chapter in this book, share it on my blog then revert to acuZZed MicroZoft to put it into Word. So twice in writing this book I have to fight a crazy - hey America there really is a Z in craZy - automated American spell check. I can not ignore the attention drawn to words just in case I have made a typographical error. All very confuZing and time conZuming.

Who invented the typewriter ?  Let me have a quick Google.   in 1714 Englishman Henry Mills invented the typewriter. Another quick Google, when did the rebellious BRITISH colonies declare independence ? Ah that was in 1776, SIXTY-TWO years after the invention of the typewriter in ENGLAND.  America did not exist then.

How long before a keyboard becomes a thing of the past ?  We already have voice activated systems which can translate proper English into American EngliZh and write any old rubbisZ onto a document. How long before all we need to do is to think and some device captures our thoughts to magically make them appear on the page ? When that happens I promise I will retire from writing.

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