It is now a little over five weeks since my darling daughter passed away. Those five weeks have been positive and full of love. There has not been sadness at her passing buy joy as my heart has been filled with so many memories, happy memories. Now things have started to change. People will be looking at me and thinking I will be moving on and taking my life into a new phase. I am not. A person who likes to be positive, I am now feeling negative.
I am not even sure I should be writing this diary entry. While I do not intend to abandon this diary project I have considered going back and removing some entries then editing others. But if I do that it becomes a work of fiction and not a true account of the events I am living through.
Yesterday I wondered if I was having some form of breakdown. I slept for most of the day. My stomach tells me I am hungry, I am eating but at the same time I feel all the time that I want to be sick. I do not want to see people and talk with them. I actually started to wonder yesterday what I would need to to in order to become a recluse.
I have said so many times that I love my country but I do not like what people have done to it. I look around me now and I wonder if I want to be a part of British society in the twenty-first century. The Corbynite Looney Left lies its way through the day with more and more fools believing those lies. Islam every day infiltrates our culture. To be patriotic is not longer a good thing but seen to be racist. It is racist to fear an islamic take over of our culture. It is racist to say the potential terrorists on the security services watch list should be rounded up and held in detention. It is racist to feel uncomfortable as I walk down the street hearing every language spoken with English less and less every day. It is racist for a supermarket to celebrate Saint George's Day but not to fill its shelves with ramadan promotions. I am not sure I want to be a part of this society.
Perhaps I should become a recluse. Perhaps I should declare my home a free zone, free of everything within our society I do not like.