Sunday, 30 July 2017

BREAKING NEWS - Burgers on sale in deep space

BREAKING NEWS - The Diary Of A Silly Old Man is able to exclusively tell my readers that McDonald's is planning to open a series of deep space restaurants, the first will be on Jupiter's third moon Ganymead. So if Captain Kirk fancies a Big Mac or C3PO wants a Happy Meal the world's largest fast food company will be there to meet their needs.

Quite by chance I discovered last week that McDonald's is trialling its stellar operations in a Bristol restaurant.  My friends your secret is out !

I had taken my granddaughter to McDonalds so she could have her Happy Meal and spin
some coins for Ronald McDonald House Charities.
It was lunch time yet the restaurant was close to being empty. I wonder why ?

As we walked through the door instead of being met by staff at a series of tills waiting to take our order there was a line of robots with their self-service touch screens.

I turned to my granddaughter and said: This is one of those horrible new places, let's go somewhere else !

I was overheard by a member of staff who opened a proper till and served us.

These impersonal robots waiting to take you order may be fine for the crew of the Starship Enterprise but I will never use them. I am sure their operators will fob customers off by saying the robots are there for convenience but the truth is they are a cheap way of processing cash cows along the conveyor belt.

Judging by the lunchtime trade in this Bristol branch there would be more customers on Jupiter's moon Ganymead than there were at its silly robotic screens.

I would never trust such a system. I like my burgers plain, without all the muck McDonald's insist on slopping over everything. It can be hard enough trying to tell a real person that a plain cheese burger means the burger, cheese and the bun without relish so what chance would I have using a silly robot ?

I use the word SILLY with purpose.

As a kid robots were science fiction, something we dreamed about having in our daily lives.  Now we have them. Robots are retarded !

Do you use the self check out system in your local supermarket. You know - UNIDENTIFIED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA. Are these robots thick, stupid or what ?

My car has its own robot. The robot that will turn on the wipers on a clear blue sky day. The robot that will light up the frost warning light in a heat wave.

I HATE robots. If a fast food restaurant thinks I will use one to order my food then I would direct them to a hit song The Bay City Rollers had a few, quite a few, years ago.

Saturday, 29 July 2017

The Summer Of Love

In many of my stories I use quantum physics as a way to travel through time. You do not need to be Stephen Hawkin to believe that some how travel trough time and space are possible.

If you could travel through time and space where would you go ?

If you had THREE destinations you own personal TARDIS could transport you to what would they be ?

That is a question I pose at the end of my book QUANTUM MECHANICS A TRILOGY IN TIME.

It is now fifty years since THE SUMMER OF LOVE - 1967.  If you were not born or were not old enough to have experienced that time I feel sorry for you.

The Summer of Love, of course, centred on San Francisco but it was an international phenomena. 
1967 - England was the football champion of the world.

1967 - Pop music was at its best - nothing before or since can compare.

1967 - At the start of The Summer Of Love an arrogant teenager stuck two fingers up to school, walked out of the gates and into the adult world. That story is told in my book THE STORY OF A TEENAGE ENTREPRENEUR (Failed)
I never was a hippy - unfortunately. In 1967 I did  not go to San Francisco. In those days I was scared of flying and it was a long way to walk. I have been to San Francisco many times since but, I have to say, not in recent years.
I do not like cities, most cuties I hate but I do like San Francisco.


I am going back to San Francisco, probably in October next year. early autumn is by far the best time of the year to be in the city.


Why don't you come with me ?

We are planning something a bit special on The Golden Gate Bridge.

I am growing my hair and plan to become a hippy for my stay in The City By The Bay.

Come and be a hippy with me.
Let's ride a time machine back to that wonderful SUMMER of LOVE.

Thursday, 27 July 2017

Daughters, granddaughters, great granddaughters, great-great granddaughters

Life has been so buy of late my writing has suffered,

I have spent the past week in Bristol looking after my two granddaughters, Katherine and Frances. That has been a full-time job !  Today I am going home for a rest !  I will miss those two fun girls until my net visit but normality may just possibly return.

What spare time these has been has been given over to my working on the OurRebekah project with very little time left for me to work on my book The Bridge House or indeed to write entries for this diary.

I have about two thousand words scribbled for Chapter Three of The Bridge House waiting to be typed up.  I have taken the story to 1944. The war is drawing towards its end. Much of the chapter is dominated by Billy, Lily's oldest son, who is now a Flight Sergeant in The Royal Air Force's Bomber Command.

Billy did not see the end of the war, his aircraft was shot down over Germany on 8th March 1945, weeks before the end of the war. I told his story in my book AN INTERVIEW WITH FLIGHT SERGEANT BILLY.

In the book Lily's second son, my father, is about to join the RAF. He did not see war service but was part of The British Mandate in Egypt and was part of the security force in Palestine at the time when the State of Israel was founded.

Here's my Dad, he is the one with the cigarette in the first picture and the one on the right in the second picture.

Dad is 91 years old, recently I spent time with him asking about his tine in Palestine and digging in to a time when he was part of history. I plan to take all of my notes from that chat and use them in Chapter Three.

Originally The Bridge House was to have just four chapters but I think I may split that final chapter into two or event three parts.

Lily had three sons and four grandsons. She had three great grandsons before my daughter, Rebekah, was born in 1983.

It has always been my intention to bring The Bridge House to an end when Rebekah was born but I have decided, while still keeping Beck's birth and the last part of the story, to give the end a totally different conclusion.

A kind cyber buddy who has been reading the draft story commented that chapter one had an
abrupt end.  That was simply because I did not want to spend time with cliché after cliché as RMS Titanic sank. I like the way the chapter abruptly ends. I gave a similar style of ending to chapter two when Lily's husband, William, died.
The way I am working towards the end of chapter three does not call for an abrupt end. I am going to have to change the style as a sudden end is called for.

All of these abrupt chapter conclusions will make sense when the final one thousand or so words of the book are written.

I think I am going to sit down in a day or so and write that ending then as I pen everything else I will be working towards it.

The OurRebekah Project is, of course, all about Rebekah, Nan's great granddaughter and the first girl in our family to be born for one hundred years. Today it is ten weeks since Beck died, I will never get over losing her. When The Bridge House is finished and published all royalties will go via the OurRebekah project to help families who have children sick in hospital.

Rebekah loved her two nieces, I am devoted to my granddaughters. Lily, I am certain would love her great-great granddaughters.

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Just a little rant !

It has been a week since I last wrote a diary entry. I have not been doing nothing, I have been working flat out on the OurRebekah website, frantically trying to get everything done but I am losing the plot a bit. I am making some silly typing mistakes, not little typo's but hideous big stupid things, I have decided to stand aside and draw breath a bit.

That's part of the reason why I have not been writing a diary. The second is I am staying in Bristol for the week looking after my two young grandchildren while Mum is away on business and Dad is doing what ever it is lawyers do.
Bristol - ah yes !

I am not a fan of any city but Bristol - well that is something else. The world's graffiti capital.
Yeh I can accept some of it, perhaps as much as 5%, is art but the rest...... NO COMMENT !

Bristol is proud of its graffiti !  I can think of a lot of things to be proud of before having to give my blessing to this rubbish.
I always worry when I am in Bristol that if I stand still for too long or get caught in the car at a set of traffic lights some moron will come and spray paint over me.

MORON !  SCRUFFY ! Oh My God I have just had a terrible thought.  I do so hope Moron Scruffy Jeremy Corbyn never finds his way to Bristol. Can you imagine it ?

He will probably say we all have to have Bristol's scruffy paintwork on our homes.
Oh Jeremy, last week I met some perfect people for you to campaign among.  Semi-intelligent fools and cultural illiterates who would fall for your propaganda with so much ease.

I went to the Andre Rieu 30th Anniversary Concert. Not in Holland but at a cinema broadcast in Northampton.

The broadcast was due to commence at seven o'clock.  I arrived at the cinema at 6.20pm, the door to the auditorium was open so I went in, found my seat and sat down.

On the screen a clock was counting down to the start of the show. At a quarter to seven there were just a small number of us waiting for the music to start.

At five to seven the isle was clogged with old men and women, hobbling on their walking sticks and totally unable to find their seats. The line was out into the foyer, blocking everywhere and threatening to spoil the start of the show for those of us who had the
common sense and good manners to be there in time. Cinema staff had to come in and say - JUST TAKE A SEAT ANYWHERE AND SIT DOWN. What else could they do ? I know what I would have done, I would have closed the doors and sent the latecomers away.

What would you have done Jeremy ? You would, I am sure, have found some way to make political capital out of it all. In the interval cinema staff apologised for the problem and said at the end they would come round and give everyone a free ticket by way of an apology. 

WHAT ? Why the hell should the cinema have to give out a few hundred free tickets because a load of silly old biddies could not find their seats. 

 When the guy came to offer me my ticket I said - LOUDLY - Thank you but there was nothing wrong with my seat and I got here in plenty of time so, please, there is no need to offer me a free ticket.

I love music, if you are one of my regular readers you will know that. Andre Rieu loves music and his concerts are a bit special.

You can listen to the tunes or you can get inside the music and live it. Andre Rieu does the latter. The silly old fool and his wife sitting next to me were most certainly of the former.  I bet they were Jeremy Corbyn voters !  They were stupid enough to have been.  In the interval this cretin was saying how he had been to Nottingham and could not understand why it was called The Black Country as there was nothing black about it.   Nottingham is sixty miles away from the Black Country - THICKO ! I won't waste my time explaining why The Black Country was so named !

Then this silly old man opens his mouth again to talk about a musician in the orchestra. The woman playing the fluty thing, he said. IGNORAMUS she was playing a clarinet !

The orchestra played Handel's Hallelujah Chorus but nobody knew musical tradition says everyone should stand up during the singing. The orchestra played The Radetzky March which tradition requires the

audience to clap - IN PART.  These silly old biddies and their husbands clapped all the way through !

I could name every single item of music the orchestra played, I knew the composer and the background for each piece. That is getting inside the music, not just listening to the tunes.

I know the difference between a flue and a clarinet. I know the difference between the bagpipes and a harp.

I know the location of Nottingham and I know the location of The Black Country.

I know why it is tradition to stand when the Hallelujah Chorus is sung. I know why it is tradition to clap for part of The Radetzky March.

I wonder where Jeremy Corbyn stands on each of these. I wonder if he can tell the difference between a flute and a clarinet. I wonder if he knows Nottingham is not in The Black Country.

Friday, 21 July 2017

OurRebekah Bureau of Silly Ideas Dad's Challenge

We truly live in a silly world don't we ?

We truly live in a silly world don't we ?

I don't mean the political chaos I am always complaining about, I mean the lack of common sense that surrounds everyday life.

Within the OurRebekah project I am busting my fat rear end to co-ordinate I need to buy a traditional football, the traditional black and
white ball with pentagonal panels, for Sheffield Wednesday players to autograph.
Can I buy one ?  Can I heck !

Last week I want to Sports Direct, you would think this would be the obvious place to buy a football. Ah - NO !  I hate stores like this, B & Q, Asda, Bunnings - exactly the same, everything you can think of and nothing you want. Stores where you need a sophisticated satellite navigation system to find your way round.

I tried on-line.

AMAZON had the ball I wanted but out came deflated. Customer reviews were poor and indicated that when it was inflated it may not be actually round !

DW SPORTS list the ball as an accessory in their football section. DOH !

JOHN LEWIS had exactly what I wanted but the ball was very over-priced. You know John Lewis - never knowingly over sold ! Can you believe John Lewis then wanted to add another £2 to the price if I were to click and collect. Well Mr Lewis you can stuff that where the sun doesn't shine.

I still have not found the football I need.

I want to find two drivers for our THREE PEAKS CHALLENGE. I thought I would contact local companies.

What local companies ?

Every local 'bus company, every local haulage company, every local coach company has vanished !

We live in an upside down world don't we ?

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Time to rid our country of the loony left wing liberalism

We live in dangerous political times, it is no good standing aside and pontificating people need to stand up and be counted. We can not allow the loony left to lie to the politically venerable as Jeremy Corbyn is now doing every day. We can not allow a political party that has the word Democrat in its name to defy the democratic will of the people. WE can not allow The Witch of Scotland to destroy a beautiful part of Great Britain for nothing more than to fuel her own warped ego.

I have never had any political ambitions but for a moment let me imagine myself in 10 Downing Street and allow me to share what I would do for our country. See if you agree with me.

The Union Jack will fly on every public building. It will be proudly on display in every classroom in every school in the land. Pupils will be taught the history of the flag.  No business, office, factory or shop will be allowed to trade unless it is flying the flag. The car number plates of all new vehicles will include the flag. Drivers of older vehicles will be encouraged to change their number plates, no VAT will be charged on an exchange of number plates.
All products grown, manufactured, produced in Britain will be asked to display a MADE IN BRITAIN logo. Shoppers can make their own minds up what they buy.


If you do then SOD OFF and live somewhere else YOUR COUNTRY DOES NOT NEED YOU !

My government will bring a prosecution against the Liberal Democratic Party under The Trades Description Act and force it to remove the word Democrat.

Local authorities will be required to remove all litter from their streets and make sure pavements, roads and signs are clean and properly maintained. Petty criminals will be taken from prison to form chain gangs in order to assist with this work.

Fines for dropping litter or fly tipping will be increased to £1,000 per offence.

Parking enforcement will be taken away from local authorities and returned to the police where a new traffic wardens department will be set up.  Private parking enforcement companies and their associated debt collection machinery will be put out of business.

Also put out of business will be cowboy money lenders. Wave bye-bye to The Money Shop, Amigo Loans and all the rest. Their activities will immediately be outlawed and anyone owing money to such an institution will have their debt cancelled.

The Bullshit Broadcasting Corporation will
, of course, be closed down and the licence fee taken away. Both are ridiculous in 21st Century Britain.

I will make being homeless illegal. Hang on a minute you sad pathetic snowflakes while I explain.

Anyone living on the streets will be taken to a local authority run centre of accommodation where they will be given clothing, a private room and meals. They will receive strong support and counselling for as long as is needed until they can return to society and live happy lives. While in the accommodation  provided they will earn their keep doing community service projects.

Private companies working within and profiting from the NHS will be closed down with immediate effect. Their assets seized and handed over the the NHS.

Tobacco tax will be quadrupled and alcohol tax doubled. Anyone caught driving while using a mobile phone will be fined £5,000. All of this money will be given to the NHS.


I will reintroduce slavery !  YES I WILL.

It will be a voluntary institution, nobody has to become a slave if they do not want to. As explained in my story THE DIARY OF A SLAVE OWNER - read it - slavery will be a tool of the court system.  Judges can impose periods of enslavement on repeat offenders. READ MY
STORY and I am sure anyone with common sense will agree with this part of my prime ministerial plan.

We will IMMEDIATELY leave the European Union. No more silly negotiating, we will be gone. Immediately a 50% import tax will be imposed on all goods from EU countries. Let them then come and negotiate with us for a better deal. EU nationals living in Britain will have six months to become British citizens
or go home. There will be strict conditions associated with citizenship starting with passing a written and oral English examination.  Brits living abroad have turned their back on our country so their either return home or take up citizenship of the country where they now live.

Finally I will make islam illegal in Britain. We will no longer tolerate this alien invasion which has declared war on us. Hindu, Jew, Buddhism, Christianity, Sikh ALL welcome but NO islam. If anyone objects to this then they can move to live in an islamic state, Britain will not become one.

Oh yes, nearly forgot Tony Blair will stand trial for war crimes.

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

Can you help me start a traffic jam ?

Last year a builder who came to do some work at my home was seriously delayed by traffic so arrived an hour late to begin work. He said to me that he thought 95% of people on the roads did not have the abilities to drive and should have their licences taken away from them.  I think he was exaggerating a bit, the figure more accurately should be 94% !

It is not the motor car that is the curse of modern society, it is the people who drive them.

Yesterday I sent out letters to lots of people setting up appointments for all kinds of things
. One was to a travel company I want to organise the New York and San Francisco Fun Runs in the OurRebekah project. This company has offices in several locations up and down the country. I told them I was happy to meet in any of its offices BUT NOT LONDON. London is the country's most unfriendly city. I avoid it like the plague.

This nasty little man will charge you £11.50 a day to drive through London's congestion zone. Can you tell me why any sane person should pay such an extortionate fee to sit in a sodding
traffic jam ?

Last year local councils made £693 MILLION from car parking fines. This idiot's Borough of Westminster alone made £46.4 MILLION profit. Get caught in a London traffic jam and an angel of the antichrist will appear out of nowhere and stick a ticket on your car's windscreen ! 

Incidentally, the first chapter in my book THE CASE FILES OF DAVE McDERMOTT is about a serial killer targeting traffic wardens. It will cost you 99p to download it from Amazon. Go on a dare you to read it.

So I have set the scene for today's diary entry. That was the introduction, now for what I really want to say.

YES I do want to start a traffic jam. Will you help me ?

The traffic jam I want to start is in cyberspace.  I want Google's search engine to go into meltdown.  I want BT's Open Reach engineers to have to repair every cable in every road as computers, laptops, tablets and even the dreaded smart phones log into the OurRebekah website.

Today my task is to go through the entire website and clean out the many, many typo's. Then the traffic jam can start - so bring it on !

There are some fantastic projects within OurRebekah - Yesterday many of those letters I sent out were for items in our e-bay auction. With the support of Doctor Phil Mason, one of the country's top renal consultants, and Member of Parliament Iain Stewart I contacted Leeds United FC, MK Dons FC, Red Bull Racing, Monarch Airlines and Northampton Saints

That travel company I spoke about is Trailfinders who will be organising our New York and San Francisco fun runs.

I know I am saying I DO NOT want you to support me in my Bureau of Silly Ideas frog challenge but secretly I do
We are now recruiting to build up a team for The Three Peaks Challenge.  This will be an
attempt on the three highest mountains in Britain the like of which nobody has ever seen before.

Our Bridge House project is NOW open and seeking £2 donations to take part in a couple of quizzes.

Today I am going to Stowe National Trust Gardens with a proposal for our Doggie Treasure Hunt.
All of these projects are great but not one of them is going to achieve anything and ALL of them are doomed to failure if our website does not generate the traffic it needs for people to find out about them.

So will you help me ?  Will you help me start a traffic jam ?

Go to the OurRebekah website, have a look round then use your social media friends and followers to spread the word. Let's start a traffic jam even Mayor Khan would be proud of.  Visit the website before I get to clean out all the typo's and you can have a right giggle.