I have promised Ronald McDonald I will raise an extra thirty four thousand pounds for McDonald Houses supporting families of sick children in hospital I have so many ideas I will soon be sharing with Ronald, finding thirty-four thousand pounds each year for the rest of my life is NOT going to be a problem. Lots of hard work but fun work and an easily achievable target.
I have a problem.
To achieve what I want for Ronald McDonald is going to cost me money, money which I do not have. I think it will cost me between one hundred and two hundred and fifty pounds a week to put fuel in the car, take people out to meetings, but all kinds of bits and pieces. Not one penny of this can come from Ronald McDonald, it all has to come from me. Nobody must help me out with the cash, to do so would be giving me cash which should go to Ronald.
Where am I going to find the money ?
For goodness sake Max Robinson get your arse into gear and sort it.
Right ! First of all my name is NOT Max, that is my pen name. My real name is David but it is Max's arse that needs to be kicked into gear.
NO that handsome young guy is not me. Well it is but the picture is fifty years old, it wastaken when I first declared my ambition to become a best selling author. This is what I look like these days ! Ugly old bugger aint I ?
So David, The Silly Old Man, you need to start kicking the arse of young Max Robinson and get him to find the money you need. No excuses from Max and no excuses from David for not kicking his arse hard enough.
Every week I get e-.mails from Amazon telling me, encouraging me, to promote my stories and star making money. But I am not really bothered about making money, I write for fun. I do not need the money.
EXCUSE ME ! You do need the money ! You have just said you need between one hundred and two hundred and fifty pounds a week to run your Ronald McDonald support programme. For goodness sake boy the money is sitting there waiting for you to reach out and get it.
How hard do you need your arse kicking in order to take it ?
This is what you are going to do.
Every week you take one of your books and make it BOOK OF THE WEEK on your social media. Start off with your schoolboy autobiography and see how many people will laugh at what you were. All they have to do is go to AMAZON - type into the search THINGS WERE DIFFERENT IN MY DAY then you persuade them to spend one pound ninety-nine pence on the dribble you have written and the royalties start to come in.
For goodness sake Max it aint rocket science is it ?
Now stop talking, stop typing this diary entry, get your arse into gear and make it happen.